Tick Tock: My biological Clock

January 13, 2011

Abandoned brideHappy New Year! Welcome 2011- Don’t let the door hit you on the way out, 2010! Although it began with tears, heartache and pain, 2010 morphed into a magical year. We saw the emancipation of Natalie and the introduction of some of the most amazing people on the planet. I anticipate 2011 to be an even greater continuation of discovery, filled with more love, smiles and happiness than I could have imagined.


It seems that many people in my demographic are feeling the love this year. The holiday season brought many a gentleman to their knee, girls to tears and harvested many blood diamonds. The wedding business should anticipate a very profitable year- I can personally name at least nine couples getting married. I myself am a bridesmaid, supporting a good friend on her journey down the aisle. This of course means bachelorette parties, Bridal showers, choosing centre pieces, our own episodes of ‘Say Yes to the Dress,’ while hopefully avoiding the creation of ‘Bridezilla.’


Within months, all the pre-wedding stress and frustration will culminate in the most beautiful, perfect day of a girl’s life; that pinnacle moment when she says, ‘I do,’ tying herself to one man for the remainder of her days, vowing to stand by him while he gets fat, loses his mane and grows hair out of his ears. My apologies if I sound cynical but my negativity is merely a case of ‘not so cleverly’ disguised jealousy. I am envious of the journey these lucky ladies are to embark on.


Don’t get me wrong: I am not saying I want to rush down the aisle in a fury of white tulle and irrationality but yes, I am waiting for my years of watching TLC wedding programs to pay off. Like most girls my age, I am patiently anticipating being swept off my feet by Mr. Right, a gigantic diamond placed on that lonely, naked index finger and begin a life time of inconceivable, blissful happiness…preferably before I have eaten my weight in chocolate and can no longer be lifted, let alone swept, off my feet.


Is it unrealistic of me to wish for my turn!? Is it unfair of me to while away the hours dreaming of dresses, flowers and gift registries….and of course marrying my Mr. Perfect!? No! Of course not! My twenties are swiftly falling to the wayside and thirty looms in the far to near future. According to the Bible, I’m an old maid (which coincidentally my Uncle accused me of becoming not 3 months ago). As a young girl, I had plans which included being escorted down the aisle by my tearful father before I blew out the candle(s) on my 30th birthday cake (preferably Baskin-Robbins ice cream).


I hear the feminists cry, ‘Who cares? A woman is not judged on her marital status and number of babies! She is not judged on her man, her family, the size of her ring! Look inside yourself, Natty, and realize that true happiness comes from within.’ The iron fist of the media however, begs to differ.


These time conscious status symbols are what many girls clamber for and lest we forget, the celebrity clad magazines and anti wrinkle cream commercials are hovering above our shoulders taunting us with possible fates. The other day, I picked up Cosmopolitan magazine only to be told that my uterus’ clock is ticking faster than the Energizer bunny on speed. Apparently, I am losing my eggs as we speak, my fertility levels dropping as quickly Jenna Jamieson’s underwear. Everywhere I look I am being told how my life should be- how much I should weigh, how to wear my hair, how to enjoy myself, when to have babies, when to get married….apparently these guidelines will make me happy.


But what if I gained 10 lbs and am getting cellulite? What if I found my first grey hair? What if my fingers are diamond-less right now? What if that walk down the aisle is on the horizon and not just around the corner? What if I have career ambitions that come before children? What if I enjoy a good night out with the girls, totally man-less?


And what if these things make me happy? What if I have never been more blissfully happy than I am right now? At the risk of sounding like a weed smoking hippy, I figure it will all fall in place when it is supposed to. Life is  meant to be a series of things that make you happy…a journey and not a destination… that one enjoys on one’s own schedule- it is MUCH more interesting to do it your way!


So Cosmo, Olay and ‘Nice n’ Easy,’ please take a long walk off a short pier. I will continue to wait patiently for it all to fall into place. TLC, Slice: I am still taking notes, peering longingly into jewelry store windows and cooing over babies/small animals but without an agenda…let alone yours! I look forward to ageing gracefully, marrying the man of my dreams at 50, having my beautiful babies at 75…and having a magnificent time along the way!!!

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  • Reply Big Mur May 21, 2011 at 2:28 am

    You don’t want to know your biological age do you?




  • Reply Le Canadienne Belles de Jour July 26, 2011 at 1:15 am

    No thanks- yikes!


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