The Bullsh*t Diet

May 22, 2012

It seems that along with giving birth, bleeding and not making as much money as our male counterparts, women are also ‘blessed’ with the preoccupation of giving a sh*t. This covers making the bed (but no one even sees it during the day!), actually cleaning the kitchen counter (Even if you can’t see it it’s still there?), and most of all, interacting with other people (Oh! Sheila’s put on a few pounds around the middle! Did you hear what she said to Bob?!?!).

With the exception of a few, many women are constantly concerned with the little things, searching for some sort of approval from their peers. And as peers, we are always judging. We’re all guilty. Be it the state of one’s house, one’s body, wardrobe or any sort of controversial opinion one may have, women are viciously hunting for the elusive approval.

We are inundated with ways to constantly improve: Eat turtle dung and lose weight! Dye your hair and men will want you! Buy this hat so people notice you! Buy this lamp so you are better than your ‘friends!’ BE BETTER THAN YOUR ‘FRIENDS’!!!!


At what point do we stop and ask, ‘Why am I doing all this?!?!’ Is it for my partner who loves me unconditionally? No… Is it for my pet who has no clue what skinny jeans are? Well…. Is it for my mother who still wears Christmas sweaters? Hmmmm…Maybe?

Yet it appears that despite our ability to identify and acknowledge these notions as pure nonsense that wormed their way into our subconscious, any divergence from this approval seeking and/or ‘judginess’ labels one as ‘b*tch’ or on the other end of the scale, ‘trying too hard’- Happy medium? It seems that there is none.

And so I’m on a diet. I’m cutting out bullsh*t. Regardless of my identifiable, over sensitive journey into womanhood, and although my heart hangs bruised and limp from the end of my sleeve, I am going to attempt to defy every instinct I have. I am going to stop giving a sh*t.

It’s gonna be tough, I know, but here’s what I’m thinking: I know that I’m a nice person, and I know that life is for living, loving and laughing (cheesy, I know, but true!). My parents taught me to be kind, caring, and considerate of others. Let the people you love, know that you love them. I am lovable and capable. Be open, honest and loyal.

Despite the far too frequent tendency for my foot to end up in the mouth, and my jokes going down like lead balloons, I adhere, and will continue to adhere, to the commandments perpetuated by my parents. I will not, however, subject myself to any more stress than absolutely necessary (Stress gives me zits and eczema so it’s just not worth it).

I believe it was Katherine Hepburn who said, ‘If you always do what you want to, then at least one person is happy.’ The longer I live and the more I learn, the more I think she was right.  



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