Dear Mr Joyce

April 6, 2011

jamesjoyce.jpgDear mister joyce i have decided to write this letter in a manner to which i know you are accustomed your lack of punctuation has floored me this past academic year but as i write now i find it actually quite liberating i wonder if i could write all my essays like this and reference you as my inspiration or is that too much for even goldsmiths i wonder this is a total stream of consciousness i am writing now in case you haven’t noticed also referred to as free indirect discourse so many names for something that i like to call rambling i do it often i am well known for rambling and despite peoples obvious facial expressions willing me to stop i like to think that i am invented rambling as my mother says i started talking early in my life and havent shut up since i ramble on many different mediums mister joyce i ramble in plain old fashioned speech i ramble via email instant messenger and bbm you dont know what the last two are but i assure you that they are just further ways to annoy innocent human beings mostly family friends boyfriend and the occasional fellowpassenger on the late night tube i have a confession to make as an english student this probably something i should keep to myself but i am going to go ahead and reveal myself i dont understand finnegans wake nor did ulysseus make the life changing impression on me it was apparently meant to it frustrated me confused me and even went so far as to anger me i may have thrown your book across the room on more than one occasion i grew to dislike you and your version of literature as well as the praise you continue to get whcih if i am honest just antagonizes me on my trip to dublin i did not want to go to the james joyce museum and i raised my fingers like a gun and pow pow shot you right in the face at the dublin writers museum you make me feel stupid and ignorant while reading your work sitting in class i feel as though i have missed the obvious and i dont understand why you would write something that makes no sense that lacks any real syntax basic literary functions not to mention basic vocabulary you are from dublin have you been there it is full of drunk people of which i have no doubt you were one how on earth do you expect them to make sense of your work if a group of sober intellectuals puzzle over the text coming to some bogus complex conclusions only to make them feel superior i assume you provide intellectuals with the same sense of entitlement that men with small penises get when they install five foot speakers in their honda civic hatchback i have a theory on you mister joyce i believe that this is all a practical joke if you even existed at all you did write some great pieces that do deserve the critical praise they received however i believe the ones written in between where you chose to defy any literary precedent or even sense are merely a sick joke played on literature students for all eternity and we do not think it is very funny either you were drunk from the get go or started it drunk then thought you would continue as it was becoming good fun and as your works began to get popular you laughed silently behind closed doors snickering as you crossed stages to accept awards for your duties to literature what idiots you must think and it seems the rest of society is is too afraid to disagree no one wants to be the first to say that they dont understand for fear of playing the fool if anyone were to attempt to pull of such a ludicrous compelation of letters ideas and punctuation again it just would not fly i doubt such a piece would be accepted mister james joyce microsoft word would fill the page with swiggly green lines and the little paperclip in the corner would tell me that i am a total twat i am tempted to give it a go however my only deterrant being that i want to hurry up and get this university stuff over and done with however so and dont want to fail a class due to a tutor lacking a sense of humour and therefore failing the course i would be stuck in london for a further few months and to be honest i cannot be bothered i am sick of the city and unlike you i would very much like to return from whence i came and so there you go mister joyce i have said it your work is just poppycock and i did not enjoy the both famous and infamous ulysseus i am sorry if this makes me sound unintelligent or ignorant but it is just the way i feel after my encounters with you this year at goldsmiths i do no wish to have contact with you again i hope you can respect my feelings and stay away thank you for your time and i hope you  had a very tough time reading this kind regards natty

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